Dimensia Bunns, 34

Speed-Boning, Marathon-Boning Confirmed to Make First Appearances at 2020 Olympic Games

Sports fans around the world have been sad to hear that the 2020 Olympic Games to be held in Tokyo, Japan, have been postponed for a year because of the COVID-19 pandemic.

However, a big positive is that the Olympic Game Creativity Committee will now have another year to put the final touches on the new games to be added.

For next year’s event, we already know many new games including 3×3 basketball, freestyle BMX, karate, surfing and skateboarding will all be making their Summer Olympic debuts. Most recently, it has also been confirmed that speed-boning and marathon-boning will also be added. Let’s explore these fun new games we have to look forward to next year.

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Voting Booths

Voting Polls To Offer New Flexible Voting Options For The 2020 Election

Voters in America often don’t have the time or means to vote in person at voting booths or by mail-in ballots.

This 2020 Election, the country’s legislators have responded. Voters will now be afforded a number of new flexible voting options to cast their ballots, including:

  1. Homing Pigeons
  2. Drones
  3. Sky Lanterns
  4. Hot Air Balloons
  5. Peyton Manning

Here’s some more information, comments from early adopters, and the pros and cons of each new option.

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Giant Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tube Man

New York’s Statue of Liberty Replaced with Giant Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tube Man

Did you know the Statute of Liberty’s full name is “The Statue of Liberty Enlightening the World”? According to the National Park Service, it was given from the people of France to the people of the United States as a gift of friendship. It was intended to stand as a universal symbol of freedom and democracy. Yawn.

Move over, boring old French lady holding a torch! The people of the United States have had enough of your dumb friendship, freedom and democracy. It’s time for GIANT WACKY WAVING ARM-FLAILING INFLATABLE TUBE MAN!

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Rank Turd On Locker Room Bench

Sports Players Find Creative Ways To Maintain Their Competitive Edge During COVID-19 Breaks

1…2…3…CHEESE!

It’s not the sound of a photograph. It’s the sound of pure competition.

For months, professional sports players have been out of major league competition due to COVID-19 interrupting a plethora of mid-seasons and the would-have-been start of new seasons alike. Athletes now have to be creative in order to maintain their competitive edge for when it’s time to step back up to the plate.

Ppppprrrrrrrrrrtttt. The noise echoed off the rows of smooth lockers and empty walls. The aroma of cheese hung fat in the air, sticking to the brown-stained paint. A sly smile sprawled across Scooty “Pootie” McBooty’s face.

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Stupid Sexy Turn Signal

Turn Signals: Who Needs ‘Em?

Ugh, those pesky turn signals, am I right? With our busy lives these days, who’s even got the time? Why even bother? Well, this guy says don’t!

I hit the streets to find other smart drivers like me who know how to increase their productivity on the go by forgoing the blinker. There are dozens of us! Dozens!

I’m not sure why so many of them also wanted to talk to me about the earth being flat, but let’s focus on the topic at hand. Here’s what just a few of my favorites had to say.

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Taco Trucks Near "Trump Wall"

Trump Talks Tasty Tacos at Tony’s Taco Truck

Even in these trying times, we all have a little time to spare for some tasty tacos. President Trump is no exception.

“A man’s gotta eat”, he proclaimed between loud smacking chomps of his beef tongue tostada, beans dripping down his chin. Crumpled up wrappers littered his table in a circle around his freshly cracked can of Diet Coke. Not a single napkin was within sight.

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