Giant Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tube Man

New York’s Statue of Liberty Replaced with Giant Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tube Man

Did you know the Statute of Liberty’s full name is “The Statue of Liberty Enlightening the World”? According to the National Park Service, it was given from the people of France to the people of the United States as a gift of friendship. It was intended to stand as a universal symbol of freedom and democracy. Yawn.

Move over, boring old French lady holding a torch! The people of the United States have had enough of your dumb friendship, freedom and democracy. It’s time for GIANT WACKY WAVING ARM-FLAILING INFLATABLE TUBE MAN!

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Rank Turd On Locker Room Bench

Sports Players Find Creative Ways To Maintain Their Competitive Edge During COVID-19 Breaks

1…2…3…CHEESE!

It’s not the sound of a photograph. It’s the sound of pure competition.

For months, professional sports players have been out of major league competition due to COVID-19 interrupting a plethora of mid-seasons and the would-have-been start of new seasons alike. Athletes now have to be creative in order to maintain their competitive edge for when it’s time to step back up to the plate.

Ppppprrrrrrrrrrtttt. The noise echoed off the rows of smooth lockers and empty walls. The aroma of cheese hung fat in the air, sticking to the brown-stained paint. A sly smile sprawled across Scooty “Pootie” McBooty’s face.

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Stupid Sexy Turn Signal

Turn Signals: Who Needs ‘Em?

Ugh, those pesky turn signals, am I right? With our busy lives these days, who’s even got the time? Why even bother? Well, this guy says don’t!

I hit the streets to find other smart drivers like me who know how to increase their productivity on the go by forgoing the blinker. There are dozens of us! Dozens!

I’m not sure why so many of them also wanted to talk to me about the earth being flat, but let’s focus on the topic at hand. Here’s what just a few of my favorites had to say.

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Taco Trucks Near "Trump Wall"

Trump Talks Tasty Tacos at Tony’s Taco Truck

Even in these trying times, we all have a little time to spare for some tasty tacos. President Trump is no exception.

“A man’s gotta eat”, he proclaimed between loud smacking chomps of his beef tongue tostada, beans dripping down his chin. Crumpled up wrappers littered his table in a circle around his freshly cracked can of Diet Coke. Not a single napkin was within sight.

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