Stupid Sexy Turn Signal

Turn Signals: Who Needs ‘Em?

Featured Image (above): Dietmar Rabich / Wikimedia Commons / CC BY-SA 4.0

BY CRASH T. DOMHEE

MAY 9, 2020 12:00 AM

Crash T. Dummy
Crash T. Domhee
Brady Holt / CC 3.0

Ugh, those pesky turn signals, am I right? With our busy lives these days, who’s even got the time? Why even bother? Well, this guy says don’t!

I hit the streets to find other smart drivers like me who know how to increase their productivity on the go by forgoing the blinker. There are dozens of us! Dozens!

I’m not sure why so many of them also wanted to talk to me about the earth being flat, but let’s focus on the topic at hand. Here’s what just a few of my favorites had to say.

“It hurts my fingies to do da blink-blink”, said Doorohthee Chongers, 82 (pictured below).

Doorohthee Chongers, 82

Doorohthee Chongers, 82, can’t afford no mo’ medical bills for fingie splints due to those devilish turn signals
photographer695 / CC 3.0

“My fingies is so fragile. Why do I have to suffer to tell da other peoples which way I goes? They already see which way I goes! No one needs to see da blink-blink”, Doorohthee told me.

“I can’t afford no mo’ medical bills for fingie splints. My fingies hurt! Da blink-blink gave me da arthritis and da osteoporosis. Da blink-blink is da devil incarnate”, Doorohthee preached on.

“I need to keep my left hand free for my cigarette at all times,” said Buck McAnipple, 56 (pictured below).

Buck McAnipple, 56, enjoys smoking Newports
while driving but hates turn signals
ioerror / CC SA2.0

“If I’m drivin’, I’m smokin’! That’s just the way it is. Nothin’ better than cruisin’ in my 1977 Ford Pinto while I’m chain-smoking my Newports. That’s pure, simple American freedom right there, yes sir it is. I ain’t got no time for no damn turn signals. Them’s the bones, dog.” – Buck McAnipple.

“I love my cereal”, said Denise Reynolds, 33 (pictured below).

Denise Reynolds, 33, eats cereal on the go but probs like never uses her turn signals, ever
epSos.de / CC 2.0

“There’s no better time to nom-nom on some of my fav-favs like Lucky Charms and Cookie Crisp while I’m on the go in my car”, Denise continued. “Driving while eating cereal is like, superhero level productiveness.”

“Eating the cereal takes up most of my concentration though so I probs like never use my turn signals, ever! LOL!” she said.

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