BY DEANDRE REYNOLDS
MAY 30, 2020 11:15 AM
Did you know the Statue of Liberty’s full name is “The Statue of Liberty Enlightening the World”? According to the National Park Service, it was given from the people of France to the people of the United States as a gift of friendship. It was intended to stand as a universal symbol of freedom and democracy. Yawn.
Enlightenment, friendship, freedom, democracy? Pfff, get that crap outta here!
Move over, boring old French lady holding a torch! The people of the United States have had enough of your dumb friendship, enlightenment, freedom and democracy. It’s time for GIANT WACKY WAVING ARM-FLAILING INFLATABLE TUBE MAN!
Crowds gathered Saturday morning as the demolition was swift. The old Statue of Liberty (pictured above) was reduced to rubble in just under two hours. Less than another two hours later, the majestic new steed has taken her place (pictured below).
May he forever dance in the wind, our majestic new symbol of … something?
New Yorkers and tourists alike were elated and celebrating the new symbol of the country. “It’s really got some nice dance moves,” one local man told The Sacramento Wasp. “I’m learning a thing or two for the club. If Giant Wacky Waving Arm-Flailing Inflatable Tube Man’s dance moves can’t help me pick up some ladies, nothing can!” he said.